“Busy” Times

It’s been too long since the last time I wrote anything here, and to be completely honest I haven’t had too much to write about anyway. It hasn’t been overly busy but nothing real big or exciting has happened. Most of Husband’s home time the last 5 days consists of Him doing homework. I’m glad that He went back to school and I fully support Him in it. He is unhappy with His current line of work and going back to school was necessary for the career that He wants. However, there is that part of me that occasionally feels put on the back burner. I don’t feel this way all the time, just sometimes when it’s multiple nights in a row. We still make sure to reconnect every day, even if it is just taking that nightly shower together. I hadn’t really felt myself really start to fall into the downward spiral, though I expected to fall into it by day 2 of the homework marathon, but I have handled the situation better than I might have in the past (maybe some growth on my part?). He’s still doing all those little things that He has been doing and they add up and must be what has helped to keep me out of the spiral. I haven’t been bratty or coping an attitude lately, but I know that I have been “toeing the line.” This morning, in the hectic mess that was the start of my day, I was unable to make breakfast for Him. He said no big deal, but I felt absolutely terrible about it. After that happened today, I can feel myself at the brink of the spiral. I need to be proactive, I need to talk to Him. Tell Him how I’m feeling, what I think I need. Unlike past spirals, I *think* I know what I need in order to avoid falling. So I will take it to Him, tell Him how I feel and then let Him take it from there. It will be His decision as to whether He agrees with my thinking or not, but I am determined not to “hide” myself this time. I don’t want it to get so out of control that I start physically trying to hide myself from Him. I already know that this is not going to be easy, but I also know that I really need to work through the fear. Maybe one day, there won’t be fear and this won’t be so difficult. Maybe.

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10 thoughts on ““Busy” Times

  1. That’s big! Recognizing the need to communicate is great…I’m still not sure when that part gets easier, but I imagine the more we do it, the easier it becomes. I hope so, anyway! 🙂

    • I’ve just become so tired of withdrawing all the time. I know that it is my primary defense mechanism that I developed over the years to protect myself. If I don’t put myself out there, I can’t get hurt was the philosophy behind that. I just hope that I continue to recognize the need to communicate before things get that far.

    • Thank you 🙂
      It is still so difficult. I wish I could understand why it is, since I have no trouble talking… but when I feel like what I’m feeling is going to be a burden, that’s when I try to hide and bottle it all inside. Which only ends up hurting me and hindering us.

  2. I’ve been here recently myself. ..and we have the same coping mechanism….that darn bathroom! I have to make a conscious effort everyday to not hide. Its been so hard but its finally getting easier. Though I’ll not lie…I still have those moments….its work in progress.
    Tell him! We’re all cheering you on!

    • It is so difficult! But I did it, as well as expressed what I may need in order to avoid falling. He took it IMO consideration. Then later decided that He agreed with my thinking. I have now been reset and am a happy little sub again. 🙂

      • Yay girl! Happy for you! Good job expressing your needs! Its a daily battle. I’ve had ups and downs all week…but once you get over the hurdles….there’s usually bliss on the other side!

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