The last few days I have been feeling that “off” feeling again. I can’t really put it into words exactly how it is that I feel, but “off” seems to be the best way of describing it. I don’t really even know what brought it on to be honest. My Husband had to work late on Saturday night, but when He got home we decided on watching a movie His friend had brought over. By the way, if someone ever asks you to watch the movie “Sharknado” either just say no or be prepared to see one of the worst movies ever. I was still apprehensive about it because even if they are ridiculous my overactive imagination will come up with crazy dreams anyway. Scary movies tend to affect me. (Aside: My Husband absolutely loves scary movies, and He was giving me a bit of grief about feeling nervous about this one. I don’t blame Him, even the name of the movie sounds ridiculous. However, He pulled me close to Him and said something to the affect of “We may need to start getting you past this fear of yours…” Hmm…) Anyway, we cuddled on the couch watching this terrible movie. For the duration of the entire movie, He played with my breasts. And not lightly either, He was going nuts. A few times He stopped and told me to concentrate on the movie only to continue after a few minutes. Well, that was easier said than done! Finally, the movie ended.
For around the last month or so, it has been part of our nightly routine to take a shower together. So once the movie ended, He said it was time to shower up. It was extremely late, so I had assumed it would just be a quick wash up and get to bed kind of night. Once we both finished cleaning up He gave me a “look”, and I’m sure that some of you probably completely understand the “look”. It’s one of pure lust and desire. I love that look. He flipped me around and bent me over at the waist so that the stream of water was running down my back. He wasted no time and took me quickly from behind. I could sense His urgency, this was going to be quick (which for the record, I love it when He does that!). Once finished, He gave me a nice swat to my behind and we cleaned up and went to bed.
The next morning, we got up to get to church and despite being extremely tired from so little sleep, I felt amazing. It was a good feeling. After church, we had decided to pick up some fast food really quick before Husband had to get to work. Unfortunately, we were 4 minutes too early to order lunch and I knew that A wouldn’t eat anything off the breakfast menu. They would not let us order lunch, but we didn’t have time to wait around. That’s where my mood started to deteriorate. I felt bad because now Husband wasn’t going to be able to eat before work. For some odd reason that I can’t even begin to explain, it started a downward spiral of emotion. I just couldn’t seem to shake it. I watched football most of the day, which was enjoyable but did not seem to help my down mood.
When Husband came home later that night, after a while He noticed something was up and said “Are you pouty?” I shrugged my shoulders and bottled up like I hate doing, but did anyway. He said “Let’s shower up and go to bed” and we did just that. Monday came around and I still was still not feeling right. Most of the day went on without much of a hitch, and Husband was able to get out of work a little early to be home in time to watch the second half of the Redskins/Eagles game. I came up out of my rut very temporarily because I was so glad He was able to get home. I knew He had a bunch of homework to do and since He didn’t get to watch any football on Sunday He would want to watch the Monday games. Once He got started on His homework, I sat and watched the game and let my mind wander. The “off” feeling came back. He definitely took notice. He finished with His homework a few hours later and leaned forward to turn my face to His. “Are you seriously pouty again today? Not good. Let’s shower up.”
I learned something about myself, when I feel “off” I feel the desperate need to hide. Not only my emotions, but physically hide. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror. I never noticed it until Sunday and Monday nights but when we went to shower I had my arms crossed over my chest, covering as much of myself as I could manage. However, on Monday night things took a turn. He had gotten in first and washed His hair and I climbed in when He finished with that. Again, there I was desperately trying to cover myself. He grabbed His soap and stepped aside so I could start washing myself. I faced away from Him as I wet down my hair when suddenly I felt Him yank my hair and in the most commanding voice I have ever heard said “Turn around and face me. Now!” I did not hesitate to turn around and He put His hand under my chin and lifted so I was looking straight into His eyes. “Continue.” So I lathered up my shampoo and wash my face. I put body wash on my loofa and stepped aside for Him to rinse off. As I washed myself, I kept looking at Him and once He had rinsed He looked back at me and said “Why are you pouty?” I suppose pouty is the best was the describe it because I’m not being bratty or mouthy (most of the time, occasionally I’ll get short with Him and mouth off, but that didn’t happen in these few days). I shrugged my shoulders again as we switched places. He said “Talk.” So I told Him that I was feeling off and that I just didn’t know how to explain it to Him. I just did not feel completely right. We finished the shower and crawled into bed. He turned to face me and grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me into a kiss. Again, I attempted to explain how I felt and we talked a bit about it. I told Him how I noticed that I hide, both mentally and physically and He agreed. Then He grabbed my face and kissed me a little harder, when we pulled back we just looked into each other’s eyes. I apologized for being pouty and He thanked me for my apology. He held me for a little while longer, caressing my face. I felt better. Then He said that it was time to get some sleep and told me that I had to as well. My response was “Yes, Sir” and He gave me a “Good girl” and I felt exponentially better.
It was an unexpected display of dominance, but I absolutely needed it. And then today happens. I had a doctor’s appointment and was put on 24 hour bedrest and told to drink lots and lots of fluids (don’t worry! it’s purely precautionary!). Me and bedrest do not mix so I was not happy in the slightest. When we got home, we were standing in the kitchen and I told Him that despite the fact that it sucks, I feel so much better (emotionally) than I did yesterday. He said “Good.” and that He was going to go pick up something to eat for lunch. We ate lunch and He slapped my butt a few times, handed me a bottle of water and said “Now you go lie down.” This was not a request and His command actually caught me off guard. After I had gotten up for the third time He asked me why I was up again and gave me a look that said “Do not get up again.” As He was saying goodbye to me He said “Now you are going to rest and drink lots of water, aren’t you?” Very obviously a rhetorical question, this was also a command. I leaned in and hugged Him and whispered “Yes, Sir.” He smiled and left for work.