It’s been a while since I last wrote on my own blog. I have been quite active everywhere else, I just haven’t had a whole lot to write about in the last week. The three of us went to the baseball game on Saturday and had a lot of fun. My Husband’s boss gave Him some really good tickets and as luck would have it, He got 3 of them. We all had a really good time while we were there, even A was really well behaved and we stayed for the entire game (though she’s normally not too bad at the games, we usually have to leave by the 8th inning because she gets restless).
Tuesday night we went to my in-laws farm for their “Customer Appreciation” dinner. My Husband’s cousin is a caterer and his company catered the event. They do it every year and my Husband and His brothers (and a few other family members) always go. Mostly for the Prime Rib. Haha. It was quite delicious though. Almost as delicious as the way my Husband got touchy feely with me. Quick grabs under the table. A few small swats to my rear when no one was looking. Even such things as putting His arm around me. Small things, but they did wonders to my mindset. Later that night, we had left A to stay there for the rest of the week so we were home alone. He is trying to catch me up on Breaking Bad (we’re halfway through Season 3 now), so He told me to get it started and we would watch an episode or two. We got a little distracted during the first episode, but I was glad for it (we tried a new position that was tiring for me, but I loved it!).
Without A here, the last few days I have been home alone with nothing but my thoughts. My brain takes me to all sorts of places and I have been drifting in a sea of thought with barely a life jacket to keep me afloat. I think it’s time for another deep talk. I’m not sure why, but it still feels like a major hurdle to open up my thoughts and feelings. I put up walls and withdraw. I know that this is a defense mechanism that I developed over years of being bullied and being rejected. This is going to be something that I need to work on and will need help pushing past. Despite opening up about my thoughts feeling like a giant hurdle, just having had that first talk helps lower the height of the hurdle just a little bit. Hopefully over time, they won’t be hurdles anymore and I can just open myself up without reservation. This last paragraph really is nothing new. I wrote about this very same thing not long ago. However, I thought it was important to write that the hurdle doesn’t seem quite as daunting as it did last time and to me that is pretty significant.