Time goes on…

It’s been a while since I last wrote on my own blog. I have been quite active everywhere else, I just haven’t had a whole lot to write about in the last week. The three of us went to the baseball game on Saturday and had a lot of fun. My Husband’s boss gave Him some really good tickets and as luck would have it, He got 3 of them. We all had a really good time while we were there, even A was really well behaved and we stayed for the entire game (though she’s normally not too bad at the games, we usually have to leave by the 8th inning because she gets restless).

Tuesday night we went to my in-laws farm for their “Customer Appreciation” dinner. My Husband’s cousin is a caterer and his company catered the event. They do it every year and my Husband and His brothers (and a few other family members) always go. Mostly for the Prime Rib. Haha. It was quite delicious though. Almost as delicious as the way my Husband got touchy feely with me. Quick grabs under the table. A few small swats to my rear when no one was looking. Even such things as putting His arm around me. Small things, but they did wonders to my mindset. Later that night, we had left A to stay there for the rest of the week so we were home alone. He is trying to catch me up on Breaking Bad (we’re halfway through Season 3 now), so He told me to get it started and we would watch an episode or two. We got a little distracted during the first episode, but I was glad for it (we tried a new position that was tiring for me, but I loved it!).

Without A here, the last few days I have been home alone with nothing but my thoughts. My brain takes me to all sorts of places and I have been drifting in a sea of thought with barely a life jacket to keep me afloat. I think it’s time for another deep talk. I’m not sure why, but it still feels like a major hurdle to open up my thoughts and feelings. I put up walls and withdraw. I know that this is a defense mechanism that I developed over years of being bullied and being rejected. This is going to be something that I need to work on and will need help pushing past. Despite opening up about my thoughts feeling like a giant hurdle, just having had that first talk helps lower the height of the hurdle just a little bit. Hopefully over time, they won’t be hurdles anymore and I can just open myself up without reservation. This last paragraph really is nothing new. I wrote about this very same thing not long ago. However, I thought it was important to write that the hurdle doesn’t seem quite as daunting as it did last time and to me that is pretty significant.


13 thoughts on “Time goes on…

  1. I’ve missed your posts! I still have hurdles with talking (i say that all the time, I know), but truly they are a bit lower each time. Bite the bullet…you’ll feel much better when you do. I know. πŸ™‚ have a great weekenda

    • Thank you! The strange thing is that I know how much better I would feel, yet it’s still a hurdle. I’ll get there. I’ve let Him know that I need to talk to hopefully it will happen sooner rather than later this time.
      I hope you have a great weekend too! 😊❀

  2. I think we all have hurdles and different ones.your not alone!!! .. We are here to sub port you girl!!! I hope your talk goes well!!! Fingers crossed!!!!

  3. We’ve been doing this thing for a few months now….I brought D/s up to him back in March..but its only been official since June…and….I still have those hurdles too. You’re right, they’re getting much easier to jump over but when you have that need to talk it feels like its taller than it really is. Keep talking though! So important! β™₯

    • GOF.. Your journey is the exact timing as ours.. So many are so new.. Your right keep talking..keep asking questions…keep showing him things you researched…he will start listening.. My sir saw the need and the want and started researching himself.. You can do this Nsk!!

      • I hope that one day He will do His own research. He went back to school last year so between full time work and part time school He doesn’t always have time to do it. So for now, I will continue to research things and pass them along. But of course, I leave it completely up to Him what He does with the information.
        I can do this and we can keep this journey rolling! I just need to try to stay positive and practice being patient (I’m still not very good at patient, but I’m getting much better!)

        • Nsk.. Keep researching and passing it along he will look at it on his time.. Plus he saw the need and want that I wanted so he agreed to try.. Trust me I am not a patient person.. But with all the encouragement from all these wonderful ladies I have learned to be patient…(mostly) I have my skip ups!! Lol. He sounds busy but if he hears your or see yours needs he will slowly figure it out.. They love us and want to make us happy just as we want to make them.. Your communication with him is soooo important.. Even if its just a little info at a time… He is listening and a light bulb will turn on soon!!! Just keep the mindset of a submissive and he will see it!!! You go girl !!

    • Really there is still the underlying fear. There are things I have discovered about myself that are not so easy to swallow (for a lifetime vanilla person) so I’m also trying not to push Him either, that will not help anything at all. But He does need to know my needs, my desires, especially when they burn so strongly within me. As difficult as it seems, I feel so strongly for this lifestyle that I am determined to overcome these hurdles and continue to talk. Thank you for your encouragement! ❀❀

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