Yesterday A came home from camping. Of course she was absolutely filthy from 4 days in the great outdoors but I was so happy to see her. It was nice to be able to get things done and to have some peace and quiet but I missed her while she was gone. She accumulated a ton of bug bites so we had to make an impromptu trip to the store to get something for the itching. As we were walking into the store she looks up at me and said “I really missed you, Mommy.” That made my heart melt. Later as we were in the car on our way home she told me how much she missed her Daddy too. Since my Husband is her stepfather, I have never made her call Him that. She knows that she also has a birth father and constantly tells everyone that she has two daddies. However, she usually refers to my Husband by His first name (though I have been very clear to her that the new baby will always call Him Daddy). So naturally I asked her which Daddy she was talking about, and she said my Husband. She told me she wants to start calling him Daddy. It is a title that He has rightly earned and it touches my heart when she refers to Him that way. We’ll see if she keeps up with it or not, I am still not going to force her to use any specific name.
So the other day I wrote about a possible reward. I did earn it. I won’t get into the actual details of it but I will say that it was a well executed reward. Absolutely fantastic. So the last few days I have been basking in the submissive afterglow. While basking I also did a lot of thinking. There are many days where I seem to question literally everything that crosses my mind, these last few days there have been no questioning. None at all, it felt so right. It felt good that I was His “good girl.” My thoughts are more along the lines of pondering. I was thinking about what submission means to me. I think it is a very personal thing that seems to be different for everyone. Everyone has a different way that their submission works. So I have been thinking about my own. As a stay-at-home wife and mother, I realized that I don’t need (or want!) micromanagement. He works hard to support our family, I don’t want Him to have to worry about the little details of the day-to-day. I don’t need to be told which laundry detergent to use or what to feed A for meals. Now don’t get me wrong, if one day He texted me and told me to present myself a certain way (certain clothes or otherwise) for when He got home, I would gladly comply. Also, if He had a something in mind for a meal that He wants or told me that He would prefer a different kind of laundry detergent then I would do it the way He asked. I just do not expect Him to make those small decisions, I would expect Him to tell me if He would prefer something different.
I do know that I have the deep desire to be pleasing to Him. In every way that I possibly can. I have given myself and my life to Him. I am His. I need Him to feel like He has full access to me at all times in any way that He desires or pleases. I don’t feel like I know everything about what makes my submissive self tick. I do think a lot about it but I think that is something that isn’t static, constantly changing as the experiences change. These are just a few things that I thought I would write about since they have been on my mind the last few days. I’m excited about what could be in store for the future. 🙂